Another year has almost ended!

Can you believe it? I swear every year it just flies by a little faster! I guess no chance of it slowing down anytime soon! It's wierd to think for the last TWO New years I have been pregnant, and two years ago I was just 18 days away from seeing Carson for the first time! WOW! That was one of the most amazing days of my life!!!

Well today is New years eve and I guess tonight we will go over to Derek's parents house for a little get together! My mom is still here but her and my sister will be spending the New years at my sister's aunt( my mother ex sister in law)! Today is kind of a hard day for me! I won't really get into why but exactly 12 years ago, something horrific happened to me that forever changed my life. New years eve is always a hard day for me to see come. I never feel very EXCITED that day, and although I don't let the "incident" hold me down, I just can't help but wish I had a reason to rejoice this day instead of dread it! I don't hold bad feelings or hate in my heart, but subconciously for some reason I can't let myself just get through this day without feeling a little down!!! God has brought me a long way since "it" happened, but I also still have a LONG, LONG, way to go!

Well only 6 more days until I am a studen full time! I am so excited! I have all my books and I am ready to go! I feel so proud of myself for doing this and everyday I see little reminders that I think God gives me that this is truly my calling!! Infact, just the other day I got a little "Atlanta Daily Journal" thing in the mail that wasn't even really supposed to be for me, it was for the women who lived here long before us and it was about nursing and the main editorial was about a Labor and Delivery Nurse who also worked in the Mother/Baby unit(Which are the two places I plan to work) It was just another little nudge from God in my eyes!

I am really starting to think I am loosing my mind about Camden! No lie, I have been to the dr. every week (with the exception of last week, although he did have that NASTY stomach bug) for the past 2 months with him! I can't imagine why he has been such a sickly child! He is over the stomach bug, but for the last 3 days now he has been acting so strange. He cries unconsolibly when he is tired. He has NEVER done this before. He is always waking up in the middle of the night crying and that is NOT him, because he has slept soundly through the night for months now!!! Another thing strange is we started him on solids about a month ago, and the last two week he has totally REFUSED to even try eating them! No matter when I try and feed him (it could be before a bottle, after a bottle, in the middle of a bottle) he starts SCREAMING hysterically as soon as he sees the spoon! It just BAFFELS me! He was doing soo good eating solids, we had NO issues, and now it is like it horrifies him! I just dont get it! I tried to research it online but found nothing worth reading! *Sigh* I am just going to stop trying for a few weeks and see if that does the trick!!

Well off to do MOMMY duty lol!

I am becoming such a softie!!!!!

So today was the first time in almost 3 years that I have been to the theatre to see a movie! Its not that we wouldn't like to go, but with two small children most of the time that just isn't in the cards! It is so much more convienant to rent one and be at home that way we can hit the pause button as many times as we need to to make sippy cups and snacks and change diapers during the movie lol! Tonight was an exception though, my mom offered to treat Derek and I to go see a movie if Derek's parents could keep the kids, so we of course took her up on the offer! It was actually HARD to choose what movie to see because right now there are a few out that look really good! I think Seven Pounds looks really good although I am not exactly even sure what it is about. Marley and Me looks really cute too, but I think most of all I was wanting to see The curious case of Benjamin Buttons, which was an excellent pick!!!!! I have to just say the movie was awsome! You know? I've always been a creature of emotion. I mean I have always cried at sad movies, but I have to admit since I have become a mother it takes alot LESS to make me cry. Just about anything with meaning came make me cry these days! Guess I am becoming a true softie! The point of me saying that is I BALLED MY EYES OUT during this movie! I am sure the people behind me could hear my little sniffles, but trust me I wasn't the only one! After the movie when we went into the women's bathroom, every eye in there was RED and teary and of course they all said they just left "Benjamin Buttons!" The movie was about a baby who is born a little old man, with a face only a mother could love (although I think I could of loved him without any problems, I am a sapp for any baby lol) and he gets younger over time. So, I am sure just by that you can guess when he dies what AGE he is and that right there is enough to make me cry all over again!!!! Anyways...GO SEE IT! You won't regret it! Even Derek got a little emotional(but he didn't cry! MEN!!!!) Another thing I really enjoyed about the movie, is that I couldn't help notice it was soo clean! It might of had a total of 8 curse words in it, and the love scenes were tastefully done as well! One of those movies you would even feel comfortable seeing with inlaws or parents!!!

Well just had to share my movie night with all of you! Now off to get ready, Ihave a busy day ahead!!

So it was mostly all a MERRY Christmas*

Well, what a Christmas! Guess I should first start with it was AMAZING! Everyone got what they wanted, including me! My husband was so thoughtful and got EVERYTHING I asked including this BRAND new computer I am blogging to you on (our old one was about to crash anyday)!!!! He even managed to keep all my presents a complete secret, which is terribly hard in this house because I am the worst when it comes to surprises! The kids, (well, mainly Carson because I am sure Camden had really NOO clue what was going on) were soo full of joy and excitement! Most kids rip through their presents soo fast, they barely even know what they opened, but not Carson! He opened each one slowly and was so happy with whatever was underneath the paper! We would have to convience him to open the next one beacause he would get so busy playing with what he already opened that he wouldn't even be worried about what was still to come! It was truly an enjoyment to see him so enthusiastic with the simplest gifts like books!! I love that about him! If he opened a box with nothing in it, he would be soo content with just that! We splurged and got Camden some gifts too even though he doesn't even begin to pretend to know what it is about! We mainly got him some age appropriate toys and clothes to grow into! It was cute opening the presents for him and showing him and explaining what they were lol! Made us feel like he was really "into" too haha! Unfortunantly, the poor little guy had come down with a stomach bug the night before so most of Christmas eve and Christmas was spent cleaning up projectile vomit and the "OTHER" if you catch my drift! UHHH nooo fun at all! His little stomach is still not tolerating much, but pedialyte seems to be holding ok!! I am hoping he is all better by tomorrow morning!! My mom and sister are here which has been a GREAT help because a sick baby is ALOT of work and especially right smack in the middle of the holidays so much is going on and its nice having extra hands around!!! Since Camden was soo sick Christmas, my mom and I stayed home with him that night and sent Derek, Carson, and My sister to Tina's ( Derek's sister)house for Christmas dinner. We figured we ought not to spread Camden's "HOLIDAY CHEER LOL" to anyone else! I am thanking God so much that he has spared all of the rest of us from getting sick! I prayed protection from this virus around everyone else and God is keeping us safe!!! Since christmas we have been shamefully lazy!! Since Camden still isn't over this virus we are mainly tending to him and just enjoying the company of family!

I can't believe in 21 days I will have a two year old! WHERE DID THIS TIME GO! Its hard to imagine that I have been someone's mom for almost two years! WOW! I have already started thinking about his party and all the fun things I want to do! I know for sure the theme will be ELMO seeing as how that is all he is talking about these days! Speaking of, Santa brought him a ELMO's Potty Time dvd for Christmas, and for anyone potty training, it has to be the funniest thing I have ever seen! I think I am enjoying it more than he is!!!! Even if it doesn't aid in him learning to potty, I am getting alot of laughs out of it so Santa did good with that one!!

Anyways, that is all for now. I need to sleep, church tomorrow!!

It's the most WONDERFUL time of the year!

Well I have been absent for a few days! Guess I can chalk that up to just being too busy to be able to sit and write anything! We had a weekend FULL of places to be and people to see! Saturday, Derek took Carson and they did a little Christmas shopping. I knew he still needed to get me a few things but I have to admit I was tickled pink when he came back with a few gifts in tow for the kids too! Those are the things that make you LOVE you'r husband even more. He said that since I had done most of the shopping for the kids without him(because the man works 80 hours a week lol) that he wanted to feel like somethings came from his heart too! I thought that was soo adorable, because men sometimes forget the little thoughtful things like that!! He even had everything gift wrapped (but that was probably because he didn't want me trying to see what he got for me lol) Daddy points for DEREK! :) .....Saturday night was our BIG birthday party. I think I mentioned before that we celebrate mine, Derek's, and his mom's all together because all our birthdays are soo close and right in the middle of the holidays. It went well, we most just enjoyed each other company and of COURSE opened some good gifts! Derek score more points with the gift he got me! A huge picture frame that hold 3 8x10 pictures and under the picture sits a wooden, plaque, kind of thing that says "all because two people fell in love" reffering to our children of course! HOW SWEET RIGHT, and did I forget to mention it came from one of my FAVORITE stores? DDP! So I was a very happy wife! We got lots of other good stuff including gift certificates for RED LOBSTER with a free baby sitter coupon from his lovely sister! You can't ask for a better gift than that, a date with you'r hubby and a free sitter!

Sunday they had an awsome service at church! There was no sermon, but the children put on a play and it was great! It makes me soo excited to think of the future, when my boys will be doing little plays! It was an exciting service and it definantly got everyone thinking about the reason for the season!!! That night we went to a christmas gathering at some people from our church's house, Cheryl and Mike DuBose! I love thier house! They had several different types of WARM soups, and as many deserts as you can possibly stand to see in one place!! It was soo yummmmy!!! The kids had hay rides and we all just had a great time!! Camden has still been soo fussy, and I am chalking it up to the ear infection, Poor little guy!! I am hoping he is over all this soon!!

Well that is really all for now! My mommy is flying in today and I am super excited! I haven't seen her in about 4 months and it is killing me!! I miss her!!!

NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

So today has been a long and eventful day! I guess I should start back with last night, Or maybe even go a MONTH back lol. I will just do a bried timeline:

About a month and a half ago Camden and Carson both had double ear infections! and basially every week since then he has run a fever off and on! He will run a fever of about 102-103 for about 2 or three days and then stop and be fine for the rest of the week and then start again the following week. It is really wierd! So last week we went to the dr. and they took blood and urine and both came back just fine which was a huge relief! PRAISE GOD! ...Well sure enough like clock work, last night Derek is holding him and says he feels really hot and he thinks I should check his temp. ! 102.1! So I am thinking at this point, ok this isn't right! How can a baby run a fever off and on for a month and have no illness!

So this morning, I woke up and I had scheduled a hair appt. about a week ago, which I DESPERATELY needed! I am trying to grow my hair out really long, but i needed a trim seeing as how I hadn't had one in about 5 months! I was going to cancel it seeing as how Camden was sick, but my mother in law convienced me to go anyway and just take Camden to the dr. afterwards! That actually ended up working out perfectly beacuse they couldn't get him in until 3:30 anyways! So i went and got my hair trimmed, shopped for a few last min. gifts, and the headed to take Camden to the dr.

Sure enough an ear infection AGAIN! The dr. also said his throat was red and irratated looking! Soo I have a sick baby again! Its sad, I can't stand to see him look soo pitiful! I asked the dr. how in the WORLD camden could be sick so much and he said I can blame Carson for that one because Carson will introduce all kinds of germs to him that his body just can't fight off yet!!!

Soo now I am home, with my hubby and kids and we are just relaxing! I did some wrapping and laundry and we are all just kind of winding down for the day!!!Pray for Camden to have a fast recovery and NO MORE EAR INFECTIONS!!!

Kudos to MOTHER'S MORNING OUT!

Ok, so I have to brag a little on Mother's morning out! For those who don't know what that is, it is from 8:30-11:30 on Thursday and Friday mornings. You drop your children off and they do fun crafts with them, take them outside to play, and give MOMMIES a little time to run errands or just relax lol! I started taking Carson about 3 months ago, and I just love it!!! I think it has slowly prepared me for when Carson starts real daycare! Being a stay at home mom, it is hard to leave you'r kids with anyone else! Infact, I have NEVER left Camden at Mother's morning out until this morning. When you go there though, you feel at ease! The women who take care of Camden's age children are two, sweet, little old ladies, that kind of make you feel like your own grandmother is taking care of you'r child! When I left him, one of the ladies had scooped him into her lap and was talking to him, and asking him if we were getting ready for christmas around our house( haha she was asking really as if he was going to just open his little mouth and say," yes, we have our tree up and lots of presents!") and when I returned to get him he was still perched right in her lap just smiling away!! I must admit it makes me feel good though when I come to get them and they are soo happy to see me! Carson always RUNS to me saying "mama mama" and it lets me know he missed me!

Carson starting REAL daycare is going to be a milestone! I am excited and nervous all at the same time! We really looked into a few places before making a final choice, but Noah's Ark was the best fit for us! I went and visited their school and they really seem to do an amazing job with the kids! They have a little schedule they follow everyday, and they teach the kids about God, which I really love! I have a feeling Carson is really going to blossom going there, and I believe it will also make potty training, and taking the paci ALOT easier too!!! I have wanted to get rid of it so bad, but how can I take Carson's paci and still let the baby have his? It is something that Iam not really sure how to handle, but hopefully daycare will help that alot because he will be busy learning and playing and not thinking so much about the paci!

Well in three days, my husband will be 25 and in a 6 days I will be 22! This time of year is so crazy for us! Between birthdays and Christmas, we don't have much time to do ANYTHING else! If at ALL possible, I will plan to NOT have a child born in December, because I am afraid if I did, their birthday would be pushed aside, or pilled in with everyone elses! Derek's mom's birthay is Christmas day, so usually we just have one big party and celebrate all of ours together! It doesn't really matter so much now, but If I was a child and I had to share a birthday with two other people, I probably wouldnt be too happy, so I will try and not do that to any of my kids!!

Also, I have started using my crockpot ALOT lately! Tip for mommies: GREAT INVESTMENT! I wake up in the morning, throw a bunch of ingredients in it, turn it on, and I am DONE for the day! How much easier can it get? I didn't think there was a big variety of things I could really cook in it, that is why I haven't used it sooner, but my mother in law let me borrow a slow cooker cookbook, and I am making all kids of delish, and somewhat healthy meals! I would say it makes my day about 20% easier! Tonight my crockpot meal is upside down chicken pot pie!! YUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Think I have blabbed my mouth enough for today....

Just because I am a mother doesn't mean...........

Ya know? I have been thinking about how having children changes you'r life. Once you bring a child into this world, its like you'r whole perspectice changes! You start thinking about things in such a different light. I remember when Carson was born, I started looking at the world through new eyes! I became much more aware of germs, cleanliness, and all the bad things in the world! I remember that for some strange reason I wanted my son to be in a little bubble so that he wouldn't be tainted by anything! It was a strange feeling! Although, I have let go of some of my "germaphobe" ways, I still am very aware of all the germs around me lol!

Motherhood sometimes also makes you put things on the back burner! I never really had a HUGE dream before being a mother. I didn't really know what I wanted to do in life, but one thing I did know was that being a mother would be my main "job"! I always wanted kids! Although, other peoples children could get under my skin from time to time, I knew that motherhood was something I would succeed at with flying colors! I remember the day Carson was born. I was waiting in my room for them to bring him to me, and I thought to myself, "I want to go through labor again!" Kind of a wierd thought probably to most of you, seeing as how it can be a very painful and long experience, but to me it was the biggest rush I had ever felt. I think that day is when my dream started! I kinda new from then on that I wanted to be a Labor and Delivery nurse! At the time, school wasn't possible because we really couldn't live on just one income, so I put that dream aside and went back to work!! After Camden was born, I had those feelings all over again! I wanted to have a BILLION babies just to keep feeling that rush! lol....Realisticly, we all know I can't just stay pregnant for the rest of my life, so what better way to get to experience such a miracle, than work with Women going through it daily! It was then God really started opening the doors. Derek got a good raise at work, we qualified for financial aid for school, and everything just started falling into place! I knew then that this was my calling! I felt it deep within my heart, that this was what God wants me to do! He wants me to be there, helping and encouraging women along as they experience one of God's true miracles!!!!!!!

So, as of today, I am proud to say I start school to pursue this dream January 6th! I decided I am not going to OVERLOAD myself. I am going to start by just taking two classes a quarter and see how that goes, because even though this is my dream, being a mother is my biggest delight of all! I don't want to miss out on my babies growing up, but at the same time I am excited to show them that there is NOTHING wrong with following you'r heart in life!!! I am proud of myself for taking the steps to accomplish something and feel good about myself! I think every women should do something that makes her happy because life is too short to spend it working a job you don't like!!! FOLLOW YOU'R DREAMS!!

Anyways, got to get some things done! Kimi is taking me to PASTA BAR for my birthday dinner tonight! YUMMMMM!! Hope you guys have a blessed day!

The beggining of my rambelings

So, today is December 15, 2008 and this will be my first of probably MANY bloggings! I am starting this blog, not really for any reason inparticular, but more for me to just let out my feelings, and thoughts! Sometimes my mind seems to be soo full of thoughts that I need somewhere to put them all, and what better place than a BLOG!

Well today my kids are being relatively good. They are both down for their naps, and I try and CHERISH the quiet moments when they are both asleep! Sometimes I clean, take a shower, watch a little t.v, or play on the computer, but really it is my only time during the day that is just ME time! So today I have been thinking about the fact that in about a month I will have a two year old! I am AMAZED that two years have almost gone by since Carson was born. It is going by way to fast. At this rate he will be starting kindergarden before I know it! In his short (almost) two years of life, he has taught me so much! I learn something new everyday because of him!! I truly think God uses Carson and Camden to SHOW and TEACH me things! He definantly uses them to teach me patience and grace!!! God shows you things in the most mysterious ways sometimes, but who better for him to use than my kids to teach me valuable things in life!!

God is SO good! I am not thankful enough for all the things he does for me! What a provider he is! Thinking back to about a month ago, I remember being soo stressed about Christmas! With Derek being the only one bringing in an income right now, it is hard to just pay our bill, let alone buy extra things for our kids and loved ones! I even cried a few times because I was just so scared of not being able to give my kids and family a good Christmas, and I know that probably sounds stupid because most of you are thinking, "Carson is two, he doesn't know what Christmas is even about yet!" but the point is I DO! Nothing would make me happier christmas morning than to see his little face light up as he opens his presents! Not to worry though, GOD PROVIDED! We have been SOOOOOO blessed already this christmas. We were able to buy our kids so many nice things, and Derek and his dad built them the most awsome playset! How or where we got the money, I couldn't even tell you! The only person I can give the credit too is God, because somehow he provided it for us!!!

Some of you don't know this, but before I met Derek I wasn't really close with God! I believed there was a God, but I didn't grow up going to church, or have parents who really taught me about Jesus. My dad is Jewish and his family was very faithful and strict in their religion, but my dad didn't really teach me about the Jewish culture. My mom's family was mainly raised SOUTHERN BAPTIST, but growing up although my mother never, ever discouraged me from going to church, she also didn't encourage it either. That is why I say, "Derek saved me!" My life has done a 180 from where I was. Now that I know God, I am showered with blessings and I know I am truly LOVED! I find myself convicted of things that didn't used to bother me! I find myself censoring movies, music, and culture that surrounds me and my children( and some of that my be accounted to just being a mother too lol) but it is so wierd! 5 Years ago, I probably wouldnt of thought twice about watching a movie with tons of profanity, violence, sexual content, ect....but now I find myself disgusted at most of what I see on t.v! I am ashamed at the fact that 90% of the shows are so full of language and nudity and so sexually obscene! I want to know WHEN it became ok to say "G.D" on tv? That is just SAD! And don 't get me wrong, nothing is wrong with SEX between a husband and wife, but it is THROWN in our face all over t.v and we wonder why men are addicted to porn! You can't turn on the t.v anymore without seeing a women with seductive clothing on practically SEDUCING our husbands through the TV! I was watching a show with Derek the other night (UFC to be exact! He is really into the mixed martial arts stuff) and they showed a women in a bathing suite and made SURE to focus in on her breast and butt and I thought to myself, WHY DID THEY JUST DO THAT? I mean the show would of been just as appealing without that. The show is based on caged fighting, what does that have to do with NAKED women? But I take it they figured, "Hey, lets throw this barely clothes women in there, and guys will want to watch it just that much more!" It is like producers feel like if they aren't showing a sexy women in barely any clothing then men won't watch it. If they only knew how much that effects marriages! It puts FAKE sterio types on what women and sex should be like! It makes it seem like all women should have these SUPER hot bodied and always be ready in SEXY attire! Sex should be something sacred and special between two people who love each other, NOT something so raunchy like they make it out on movies and T.v!

Well I think I have rambeled ENOUGHfor today lol! Time to get a little something productive done while the kids sleep!!