So much to say...but So little time!

Hello all,

Well I have been a pretty bad blogger lately. I said I was going to pick up on blogging again, but I haven't been doing a very good job of that now have I? It's not that I am lacking things to talk about, or picture to share, but more due to the fact that I am working alot, and when I am NOT working I still have two very active little boys to take care of. Most nights, by the time I am relaxed and comfy in my bed, I am just too worn out to even use the little bit of energy it takes to type a blog. Today though, seeing as how I had a little while before I have to head off to work, I decided I would try and put something together.

Well where to start....Carson turned FOUR a few weeks ago, and although I should be used to the fact that every year your child gets a little older, I can't grasp that four years has really flown by since that first day I held him in my arms. He has changed and grown so much in these last four years, and although he has his moments,(what kid doesn't) I am truly proud of the little guy he has grown into. He has the sweetest, most sensitive side that I just adore. He loves to tell you how much he loves you, and won't go anywhere(bed, school...YOU get the picture) without giving mommy and daddy a kiss and a hug. I LOVE that about him. On the other hand, I love how "mature" he is too. When Derek has to work out of town, Carson becomes the little man of the house. For example, we are in the process of potty training with Camden, and when Cam has an accident, Carson will say, "Camden you don't go potty in your pullup, you are a BIG boy now, and that is just YUCK!" ....He tries to be my little "reinforcer" Sometimes though I have to bring him back down to reality though and remind him that I am the mommy, and although I appriciate his help, I don't really need it~ :-)

Camden is growing like crazy too, and even though they have over a year between them, they are SO much more like twins. Camden can do just about all the things that Carson can, and talks just as well. Sometimes it's beneficial that they are so similar, and sometimes it's chaos. Mostly because, they tend to get each other in trouble. One will egg on the other to do something, and next thing I know, they are both double teaming me and doing something they know they shouldn't be. I am sure you can see how this would be a problem lol. Never the less, I love every minuite of it. I am glad they get along so well and have so much they can do together. They always have a friend in each other, and although they have their little spats, for the most part they truly are BEST BUDS. Camden is my sweetie pie. He LOVES to be held still and rocked. Some nights he will just come find me and say, "Mommy I want to rock rock"(Translation: He wants me to come sit with him in the recliner and rock him) I am so glad that at 2 and 1/2 years old he STILL has the need for his mommy to snuggle and rock with him. I don't see how that could ever get old. He is also acceptionally tough for his age. I guess that comes with the territory of being the little brother. He really doesn't take much off of anybody and if another child pushes him or hits him, he doesn't run off crying, instead he is ready to keep going. I am thankful he is able to play with other children without crying everytime he gets hurt, but at the same time I have to remind him he can't wrestle and play around with them like he does with Carson...So sometimes that can be a problem! :-)

We found out a little over a week ago now that we are having ANOTHER BOY! I am not sad in the least, but had I had money going, I'd be BROKE right now because I would have bet it all that this was going to be a girl. Everything about this pregnancy is different and everytime I turned around, I had someone telling me "YEP, that is exactly how the pregnancy I had with my daughter was!" So I am sure you can see the shock on my face when the ultrasound tech. announced that we were expecting another son. I never felt dissapointed or upset, instead I was elated as I watched her scan over my belly and watched this new little GUY moving and rubbing his little face. I never cease to be amazed at how precious they are, even in utero. After I got my mind readjusted to the fact that it was yet again in BOY mode, I started thinking and discussing names with Derek, and I think we have agreed that we will name him Cade(that awas Derek's pick) Tucker(My pick) Godwin, but we will call him Tucker. I loved that name from the time I found out I was pregnant with Carson and it took me three pregnancies to get Derek to agree to it. So Tucker it is, and I am super excited. My mom brought up the fact that I may see him and decide he looks like more of a Cade, and that is ok too. I guess we will call him whatever feels right!

Other than that, Life is going good. I am spending alot of time working, which I really do love. It keeps me busy and I really do enjoy my job. I get along well with all my co-workers and I have fun working. They have also been ACCEPTIONALLY understanding with all the pregnancy stuff I have had going on, and how sick I have been this time around. I am THANKFUL to have such a job....

Well I guess that is it for now! Hope everyone has has a wonderful weekend, and I promise more updates soon!

the BLUR of the last few days!

So I am trying to sit down and make since of the last week or so. I guess I should start at the beginning(Monday). It started out normal enough. I had to work, so I woke up, got ready and then of course the waves of nausea set it. I took my medicine and pushed through it, ready to get to work and get through the day. Around lunch, I started having some noticeably bad pain in my right side. I ignored it for a while, chalking it up to something stretching, or maybe the baby was putting weight on a nerve or something. By 3:30 p.m. I was pretty much way past the though of just your "regular" pregnancy aches, and knew something wasn't right. The pain was sharp, stabbing, and relentless. I finally broke down and called the Dr., halfway thinking maybe I was just being a big baby and nothing was wrong, but of course they told me exactly what I knew they probably would, "GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM"I was getting off work in about 2 hours, so I wanted to wait until my shift was over instead of leaving. I worked through the pain until about 5 p.m, when I called my mom and told her what was going on. She didn't feel comfortable letting me drive myself, so she came and picked me up and it was off the ER we went.

The Emergency room was a mad house. I don't think I have ever seen it so packed. There were people who said they'd been waiting since 1p.m. that day and it was now after 6. I knew we would be in for a long night. Luckily we didn't wait very long. The fact that I was pregnant and in lots of pain, pushed me ahead of many patients. They got us back into a room and the torture began. They did a pelvic, put in a catheter, did a ultrasound, poked, prodded, and finally about 2 a.m. the Dr. came in and told me I was going to have to do a CT. I was very uneasy with this decision. I told him I really wasn't comfortable, and I heard it wasn't good for the baby. He assured me it would be fine and sent me back. The radiologist was extremely sweet. She sat me down and asked me if I knew the risks of what I was about to do. I told her that I knew it wasn't healthy for the baby, but I didn't know exactly what I was risking, and that is when the true fear set in. The Radiologist explained that I would be putting my baby in direct radiation. Anything from birth defects, to spontaneous abortion(my body ridding itself of the baby). I immediately started crying. How could I make a decision like this? I asked the Radiologist to get my mom and of course she did without hesitation. When my mom came back, I was still crying and it was hard for me to get the words out of what I was trying to say. The radiologist did most of the explaining and I simply just asked my mom what she though I should do. My mom held my hand and told me this isn't a decision she could make for me. As bad as I could see in her eyes that she wanted to take it all away, I knew she was right, I had to make the choice. After sitting there a few moments I decided I just couldn't go through with it, so the radiologist took me back to the room and the Dr. came back in explaining that since I didn't do the Ct. there was really nothing else he could do. He told me to call my Dr's office first thing when I woke up and figure out a plan with them. I agreed and had to sign myself out of the hospital against medical advice since I refused to take the test. By the time we arrived home it was after 3 and we were both exhausted. I don't even remember changing my clothes, I just remember falling into bed and not waking up for several hours.

I woke up early the next morning to the sound of my phone ringing. It was only 8a.m but it was my doctors office, so I knew I need to get up and answer. The nurse said she was calling to check on me after last night, and I filled her in on the serious of events that had transpired the night before. I told her that I refused to do the Ct, and the only way I would agree to do it is if MY Dr's at the shaw center felt it was safe for the baby and truly necessary. I also told her I was still in alot of pain and I knew something wasn't right. She told me she was going to consult with them and call me back. I fell back asleep, but not for long. The phone was ringing again, it was my Dr's office, and they wanted me to go through with the ct. They told me I needed to come into the office, let them check the baby and my vitals and then they would send me over to radiology. I wasn't Happy about it, but I needed to know what was wrong with me, and all the dr's concurred this was the next step. Basically I spent the next day with the Dr's and the radiology team. Again, the radiologist made me sit and listen to all the risks I was taking with my baby, and again I cried feeling soo torn between getting better, and possibly harming my baby. Finally, a nice male radiologist came to talk to me. He was very calm, and his voice was soothing. He explained to me the risk I was taking by NOT doing the Ct. What if my appendix was the problem and it burst? He told me then I'd be risking mine and my babies life. He also assured me that if i was his wife, or daughter he would feel comfortable with me going through with the scan. I still wasn't 100% satisfied, but the truth is, nothing they said would make me feel GOOD about the decision, so I decided to do the CT, just praying it would be for the good of the entire situation and give us all some answers. After the test concluded I was basically sent home to wait. Waiting is NOT easy for me, I am probably one of the least patient people you will ever meet, but I waited and it wasn't until the next day that I actually got some answers. I had an appt. with my midwife and we sat down to discuss the results. She assured my from the scan, my appendix looked fine, as well as my liver and gallbladder, but my kidneys and ureters were in question. She had consulted with antoher Dr. at her office and they both came to the conclusion that I had a "kink" in my right ureter which was causing the horrible pain and really needed to be resolved. Her idea was to admit me to the hospital, let them fill me with fluids and pain meds for a few days and see if I wasn't feeling better. Her plan was to try and "straighten" the kink out. I know she could see the reservation in my eyes, because she then said she would give me one other choice. She explained that she would let me try and push the fluids on my own, at home, but I would only have until lunch the following day to do it. I agreed happily, thinking I could def. fix myself better at home, and promising her to follow strictly on her instructions. So home it was, My mom was here, so that was a huge help, She forced me to drink everything 30 mins and was really pushing me hard to keep the water down. The next morning I woke up and to my disappointment I still felt awful. Mom encouraged me to go ahead and call my midwife, and I did, and of course she told me exactly what I knew she would, "You are going to have to come in and be admitted"....At this point I just wanted to feel better, So if going into the hospital for a few days would do the trick, I was ready to jump on board. Unfortunately, as I was getting things ready to leave, I got extremely sick. I couldn't hold a single thing down, and I spent majority of the morning with my head in the toilet. I knew then it was def. time to get to the hospital because things were def. getting worse and not any better. I arrived around lunch time, and they already had a room all ready to go for me. The immediately hooked me up to fluids, medicine for the nausea, and something for pain. My midwife came in, and checked me out. She told me she was going to have the urologist come and consult with me and we would go from there. The urologist didn't arrive until about 7 that evening. From the moment he walked in, I sensed aggravation in his voice. He asked me several question and then did an "inspection" of my pain and body. Without much else being said, he told me he wanted to watch me for a few days and we'd make a decision from there. I just tried to relax and make the rest of the night as quiet and uneventful as possible. I slept fairly decent and the next morning I was awoken bright and early by a nice nurse who was there to take my vitals. She informed me that the Dr. would be around soon to do his morning consults. It wasn't long after she left, that just like she promised, the Dr. arrived. By this time the cafeteria had sent up my breakfast and I was nibbling at some bread when he walked in. His first words out of his mouth, "Well you must not be too sick if you are eating" I know confusion must have set in all over my face. What was that supposed to mean? If they DIDN'T want me to eat, then why did they order me food? I just ignored the comment and let him go about talking. His next comment was something to do with, "well I don't think you have a "Stone", because if you did, you wouldn't be able to eat anything!" ....I looked up at him, very confused, and then I said, "I never thought I DID have a stone"...He just ignored me...going about his inspection. Without really another word to me, He got his stuff together and said, "I Am going to consult with your Dr's but I don't think you have a stone and I don't know what else to do for you!" And that was that. I looked over at Derek who had stayed the night with me, and we were both very confused. I figured I'd just wait until my NORMAL Dr. came around and find out the scoop from them. Unfortunately, I didn't get that chance. Next thing I knew, The nurse was coming in with my discharge papers, saying this NOT so nice Dr. who I barely even knew was sending me home. WHAT??? All this and they are just sending me home? I was honestly in shock, steaming mad, and in shock! Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to be in the hospital, I'd much rather be at home, but I did want to know what was wrong with me. It was almost as if this crazy doctor was looking at someone Else's chart, a STONE? Who ever even mentioned a stone? So it was off to the house I went, and it's here I have been ever since. I still feel pretty awful, I am debating my options. I know I could go to another hospital. I am not against it, but it's just hard going to a place where you know NO ONE and your family isn't there. So I guess today I will have to make a decision. Let it go and just see if things get better on their own, or go to a hospital I am not familiar with and know no one at? Tough call...........